Facial From Hell ~ Words For Moolah

Facial From Hell

My three and a half friends could describe me in any number of nasty ways: an arrogant know-it-all, an opinionated a__hole, even a lousy ninong. Yet, despite their candor, I'm pretty certain they will never describe me as a metrosexual. As far as I'm concerned, beyond brushing one's teeth, taking a bath regularly and occasionally combing one's hair, a real man need not stray far from the traditions set by his caveman ancestors.

Sometime last year, "damaster-en-kumander" prevailed upon me to have my very first facial treatment. For her, this was a monumental event as she had been bugging me about it for the longest time. For me, well, there's always a first time for everything and since she was paying for it anyway I thought I might as well just enjoy it.

Yesterday, I had my third facial. This time around I volunteered to join "damaster-en-kumander." I had to volunteer since the alternative was for me too wait in the car for at least an hour.

A soft-spoken woman named Gemma ushered me into one of the cubicles. She told me to lie down and she began the preliminary procedures. To get my face all ready she exposed it to steam and applied a number of solutions. All this she did while gently massaging my face. Soothing, meditative music played in the background while a therapeutic scent wafted in the air. It didn't take long before I dozed off into dreamland.

Not long after, I was roused from my sleep. I was feeling a sharp pain on my cheek. I realized it was Gemma. She was then in the process of pricking my every pore to get to my whiteheads and those darn clingy blackheads. It was all good I thought so I just went back to sleep.

A few minutes later I was roused again this time by a really excruciating pain on my forehead. In her soft-spoken manner she asked me to move my head a little to the right. Her voice would have had a calming effect if not for the piece of metal she was poking my face with.

This time around, Gemma was no longer applying soft, light pressure. She was actually using full force and even putting her full weight behind every pin-prick she applied. Did I mention that this soft-spoken woman was also a burly woman? Well, she was and she was all set to perform surgery on my face. I thought I heard the Zen-like meditative music segue to a death-metal piece. "Growwwwllll!!! Bring on the pain!!!!"

Well, this whole death-metal sequence went on for the next thirty minutes or so. It all became clear to me by then that torture had a name and it was Gemma.

I don't know what happened exactly but nowhere during that whole time did I find the courage to speak out and tell her that she was hurting me and that, maybe, she could go a little easier on my already pockmarked face. "Wag po ate, wag po."

Maybe, I was just a little embarrased after all she was just doing her job the best way she could considering the challenge before her that was my face. But, then again I think she didn't need to hear me say it anyway. I'm certain she saw the tears flowing from my eyes.

After some time, Gemma asked me, "Sir, ok lang ba lagyan ko ng anti-inflammatory." Funny she asked. My whole face was all puffed up by then. A transfusion of fresh plasma would have worked better.

We ended our session with the usual. She asked me if I wanted to see all the whiteheads and blackheads she removed. Normally, I'd be interested to see it out of an inherent curiosity for the bizzare but this time I declined. In the state I was in at that time I wasn't sure if I could handle the sight of huge chunks of chopped up facial matter.

At that point, my ears were again hearing the Zen-like music coming out of the speakers and I could also smell the scent of lavander. That was a good thing as it reminded me that I was still alive. I went to the lobby and paid for the treatment. I also left a P100 tip for Gemma.

Despite all the pain I endured, i can still say it was all good. My face now feels lighter by 1.42 lbs.



  1. Paul Farol said,

    What can I say? I am not disappointed. Your pain makes my heart lighter, for some reason. ;-)

    on January 26, 2009 at 3:04 AM