Expensive Coffee Can Make You Lose Your Shoes ~ Words For Moolah

Expensive Coffee Can Make You Lose Your Shoes

(I originally posted this on my wordpress blog (the angry manileño).)

It is widely known that coffee has stimulating effects and more recently that it has anti-oxidative properties. With this, some scientists say coffee, if taken in moderation, can be good for one’s health.

But, unknown to many, coffee especially the expensive kind may have some very disturbing side effects. Apparently, it can make you lose your shoe.

Scientists have yet to finish taking their coffee break and investigate this phenomenon but I can assure you this is real. Just visit any coffeeshop that serves overpriced coffee and you’ll see how bad this is affecting some people.

For some, losing a shoe or even a whole pair is not even the only side effect. Some also develop a compulsion to assume the Indian-style sitting position or any other ultra-relaxed pose. Some even raise their legs on the low tables or the armrests of their cushy cushy seats. Others even assume the fetal position, totally forgetting they’re not in their own homes.

Unscientific attempts to explore the reason for this disturbing coffee-induced behavior has resulted in some troubling discoveries. One is that there seems to be a correlation between the location of the coffee shop and the number of people afflicted with this mysterious malady. Upper-scale locations tend to have a bigger concentration of people with these symptoms. The same situation is prevalent in locations with a high concentration of college and high school students. Of course, these findings still need to be verified.

Incidentally, just last weekend, I found myself in a coffee shop. Having heard about this disturbing trend, I observed the other customers who were there. One girl caught my attention. She was all by herself reading a book, seemingly waiting for someone. Nothing out of the ordinary. But then, I noticed that she had the symptoms — feet unshod and the Indian sitting position. What really disturbed me though was that she remained in that state for more than 30 minutes. I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m fussing about this. Well, you see, my logical side initially brushed off what I saw, thinking that maybe she was just trying to be comfortable. That would have been the logical explanation if not for the dead giveaway. You see I can imagine how comfortable it must be to sit that way on a cushy cushy seat but this girl was sitting on a wooden chair the kind that comes with a super-straight backrest. Can you spell uncomfortable?

The Anti-Coffee Crap Movement fears that there may be no remedy to this. Its members believe that as long as the hot brew retains its coolness factor there will always be people who will be susceptible to these side effects.

I, for one, am not a big coffee fan. I prefer tea. But unlike the English, I don’t lay claim to any degree of refinement. Still, unless forced, I would rather eat coffee beans freshly harvested from a civet cat’s pooper than have a cup of overpriced coffee and risk losing my shoe.